finding you again
I held on to them for a long time
Your smile, your heart, your love, your wanting better for me, more from me
I held on to them and let them rot, let what was fresh and innocent and beautiful become tainted and old and unwanted
I held onto the hurt I projected on you, and even though it was mine- I created it, I let you claim it
In my head it was you, your doing, your destruction of us, of me

I opened up to ‘wisdom’ recently and was given a new reality on my stance of our relationship
Wisdom made me see that I unjustly lay blame where it had no home, there was not space for negative feeling
Time and progression were in play and they dictated the path we followed
Slowly, the bind I locked you into in my mind and heart is loosening and the bitterness is melting with each revelation I achieve
Whatever I threw to the universe to be manifested I can never retrieve but I can apologize
When the time is right and our paths cross again I do hope I am ready and fully open to embrace you again